I’ve been enjoying spending time with my daughter during her winter break from college. Lots of time has been shared between us doing nothing, just being in the moment. It’s been an unusually cruel winter with freezing temperatures, enduring sheets of ice, and piles of snow. Being indoors nestled within the confines of our home has been most therapeutic and a way for us to bond. She’s refueling for her next semester and I am getting filled as my motherhood, the adult chapters, continues.
Just yesterday, my daughter was starting kindergarten. Now she’s entering the second half of her junior year in college. In less than a month, she’ll be turning 21.
I’ve been absorbing our moments together. I’m working during the day so most evenings and weekends are busy making space for one another and venturing out when we can. We love a good coffee shop where breakfast sandwiches are plenty and sunlight pours in, allowing us a good dose of Vitamin D. Where our conversations are filled with her future plans–her new job, a new opportunity to live off campus next semester, her upcoming course load and of course, her birthday itinerary. I plan to be there with her in NYC as she becomes legal and I feel blessed that she wants me to be with her for this monumental event.
Parenting an adult is hard, y’all. When they are younger and have to live under your roof, they must follow your rules. But when they are an adult, away from your prying eyes, many miles away, their decisions can make or break them. You have to trust that the parenting you instilled in them helps them make good choices.
It’s like having a plant but you can’t water it–you can only nurture it virtually. You have to trust the process.
These are my reflections of a College Mom.
Be open
You may be used to curating conversations with your college student, but it may be best to let them run the show. Be open to their desires of what they want to talk about and chime in when prompted. They may not want to hear your advice or your commentary, and that is okay. Give them a foundation that allows them to be comfortable to talk about what is on their mind.
Be a good listener
I’m still a work in progress in this area, but I’m getting better. My daughter usually doesn’t want to have a back-and-forth conversation with me more than she wants me to listen. Listening without judgment and listening to hear and not to speak is the best way to handle this connection.
[Read: Five Things Your Mom Was Right About]
Be supportive
Being supportive doesn’t mean support the way you want to support. Being supportive means being supportive the way they need you to Ask and inquire what supporting them looks like and, do your best to follow that blueprint.
Be creative
Your college student/adult child may retreat and not be as communicative as you’d like. Be creative when needed when checking in. That may mean scheduling a FaceTime while cooking their favorite meal or opening a group text thread so everyone can check in at once.
In a few short days, my college junior will return to her university and I will be an empty-nester once again. I hope my reflections of a college mom are helping you through this interesting time. I’m here for you if you’d like to chat!
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