As many of you may already be aware, my father passed away 2 and a half weeks ago due to his health failing. My father suffered from a wide range of health problems, and has had difficulty the last few years. Despite all of this, I was shocked when I got the call that I needed to come over to his home right away because he wasn’t breathing.
Below is a video that I recorded discussing this situation. I haven’t grieved yet. Sometimes, I even forget that he is no longer with us and pick up my phone to call him. Then I remember, he is gone.
I have never dealt with a close person to me dying. I’ve never felt this. I’ve cried, but I don’t think I have truly wrapped my head around the fact that my dad is no longer with us. I am not even sure I know how to.
I’ll be honest, I had to watch this video in chunks because the pain is all too familiar. I lost my aunt, whom I was very close to, 5 years ago and the pain is still so very raw. I can’t talk about her without crying. I can’t think about her without feeling completely empty inside. I’ve compartmentalized it all, pushed it back where I don’t have to deal with it and it’s totally unhealthy. That she died because of an asthma attack while hanging clothes out on the clothesline in her yard is just plain crazy to me. She was young and happy and full of life and dammit I want her back. Unfortunately, I’ve lost all of my grandparents as well – all of whom I was very close to. I hope that as time goes on we’re both able to work through our own personal grief. Sending hugs and still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, my sweet and fabulous friend!
I can’t tell you I know what you’re going through because I don’t. I can only imagine.
Getting counseling is a wonderful idea and I highly suggest it…sometimes all it takes is a 3rd party to talk to who is unbiased in our situation…
LOVE YOU BOO!