When I was little, I thought that being an only child was the most awesome thing in the world. I didn’t have to vie for the attention of my parents and I was spoiled beyond belief. There was no one to fight with or share toys with, or argue about who was going to watch what on the TV in the family room. I grew up thinking that the world revolved around me, and as most only children do, found out when I became an adult that wasn’t entirely true. No one prepared me for the shock I would later feel—that outside of my parents, I wasn’t anything special.
People used to ask me if I got lonely when I was a child and I have to say honestly I never did. I learned to keep myself company and invented imaginary friends and games that I could play solo dolo. I enjoyed having my space and being able to rely on my creativity to have fun. Put it like this—if you don’t know what it’s like, then you don’t know what you are missing. I never felt I was missing out on the connection or bond of a sibling because I had no idea what that felt like.
But now that I am older, I know firsthand the cons of being an only child. Recently, my diabetic father got really sick, and since my parents are divorced and I am an only child, everything fell on me. I had to make sure his personal business was in order as well as keep tabs on the hospital and doctors who were charged with his care. I also had to make sure I was there for my father in his time of need, and that meant being at the hospital each and every day all day for the 11 days he was hospitalized.
And now that he has been released and is home, I have to make sure that he gets to all of his medical appointments and that he is taking his medicine as prescribed and taking care of himself. Of course I don’t mind doing all of this because he is my father and I love him more than life, but it can be a lot when I also have a family of my own that depends on me and needs me as well. It is a constant balancing act that I have to partake in—and sometimes I feel slightly unbalanced and overwhelmed.
Yesterday while driving my dad around on his errands, it occurred to me that it’s not all that great being an only child. There are things I wish I could discuss with someone who would know what it felt like to be in my shoes. Having a sister or a brother right now would really help lift some of the burden off of my shoulders.
It can suck being an only child. When it comes to your parents and making decisions as they get older, there is no one else to consult or no one to help you. Everything is ultimately on your shoulders, and that isn’t always a good thing.
Thank you for letting me vent. 🙂
Danyelle, I appreciate the situation you’re in. Even when there are more children in a family, this kind of responsibility often falls on the one who is willing to take it on. Your father is blessed to have you to count on.
Caren, thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I appreciate them more than you know! 🙂
This is something that several of my friends and I have been talking about as we have grown older. My two closest friends are only children and so am I. My father has had his share of physical ailments over the last few years that have been a challenge for me to keep up with. My parents are single and live separately. I have been praying that God keeps them both because I don’t know how I’d cope running back and forth between them trying to care for them. I pray that God provides the support that you need as you lovingly care for your dad!
Brandy, you are in my prayers as well. I know firsthand what a difficult and stressful experience this can be. If you ever need to talk or to vent, I am here 🙂
I was an only child for a very long time. I only want one child and every one is always disturbed when I say that. I guess because of some of the reasons you expressed in your post. I agree with Caren. Usually there is one child who is willing to take on the responsibility. You and your dad are still in my prayers.
Wow…Almost brought a tear to my eye…And I’m getting a little choked up typing…Just a little :-)Because as I read this, I thought about my daughter & how she must or will feel…She is the only child…She is 5…And as you said, she entertains herself very well..She is so used to being the only child that she entertains herself & is in her own little world…She is really in her own little bubble…And the only child syndrome kicks in when she is around other children…It’s sometimes hard for her to understand that she has to share…And she is so used to having all of the attention that when someone else gets it, she gets upset & doesn’t know what to do….Because of this, I ty to be very understanding of her & realize that her tantrums are not necessarily due to spoiledness…We don’t want anymore kids…And at times, I do feel bad for her…I feel bad when she gravitates excitedly towards other kids, especially if they are her age…This really almost brought a tear to my eye because really, I never thought about her having to possibly feel that kind of pressure when her dad & I get older…It gives me something to think about…Ways & things that I could do to relive her stress…And I know kids take care of their parents out of love but still…I grew up with three older siblings…Her father also had three other siblings…So although we understand her situation to an extent, I don’t think we will ever be able to understand her 100%…***Sighs*** Who knows…Maybe if it’s in God’s plans we will have another…But, thank you for this post..It was thought provoking…Not too many subjects on blogs get this type of emotional reaction from me…
@ Zoe…I also get weird reactions from people when they ask me when I’m having more kids and I say I’m not having any more…They look at me like, “Why? What’s wrong?”…From what I’ve seen & heard from people, it’s not because of the whole only child thing…It’s because people expect women to have multiple children because, well, that’s what women are suppose to do…Before i had my child, i wasn’t even married and people were asking me when i was going to have kids…Because when you’re a woman, certain things are expected of you…And when you deviate from the norm, people look at you like you are an alien…I dunno…I guess it could go either way…Her dad was in class & people asked him why he wasn’t going to have more…And he said, “Because it wouldn’t be fair (financially) to her to add more kids”…And people really respected him for saying that…That is how we both feel…
I can understand your sentiments exactly. I’m an only child with divorced parents, and my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year. I was in the exact same boat. However, I still had no desire for siblings. *lol* A moment or two I thought it’d be nice to share the load with someone, but I look at friends who have siblings that are NOT helpful even though they are present. Having siblings is no guarantee that they will be in the trenches when a crisis occurs.
I am not an only child but I often wonder what will happen if my parents need care. I have lived 2,000 miles away from them for 1/2 my life and my brother is right there. Do I go back home? What do I do? Then on top of that my brother and I have different strengths and honestly we would make a great care TEAM but who knows how it will work out.
I’m an only child and am moving into the same place you are now. My dad is also pretty sick, and luckily, there are other family members here to help, but it can still be a lot. Here’s hoping your father continues to get better!
Your father is so lucky to have you! While I am one of four children, when my dad got cancer there were only two of us that actively took part in his care – and he lived 360 miles away from both of us! Sadly, the other posters are correct – other siblings might not be all that much help. There are lots of people here who care about you, though, so vent away!
I am an only child. You are so right, it sucks now that I am older. Almost a year ago, I lost my mother. I saw my mother as invincible, but even superwomen get weak. She (also an only child) lived with my grandmother and she did everything for her. Now that she is gone, it is all on me. It is hard to help a stubborn 83 year old woman, plus my own family, but I manage. I am praying for your father’s health and for your sanity.
Now me being an only child was very fun in the beginning of life but when i grew up it sucked also. I am now a young adult and have been taking care of my grandma when my mom is at work. so it sucks and still i was the last grandchild. so of course everyone was jealous of me even cousins and aunts but i took care of their mother/grandma. And i have had to watch my mom take care of my grandma all te time even though she had 4 other sisters and 2 that lived in the same state. So my mom still had to be rsponsible for her mom and dad while the other siblings lived their lives and did few things. I wish i had siblings though becuase maybe they would have helped with our grandma other than me. since all my cousins feel they dont have too and are too busy when i am also. It frustrates me. I feel the same as you